If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
