ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
