dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
