fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
