I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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