I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
