I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
