So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
