a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
