I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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