I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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