I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
