it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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