She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
