I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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