The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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