youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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