dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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