Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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