so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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