I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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