Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
