how do flat chested girls get laid?
i drank out of a bidet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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