We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
