There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
