i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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