I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
