you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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