The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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