I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
