So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
