I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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