I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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