seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I will be naked everywhere
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
