I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Its about making memories worth repressing
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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