somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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