I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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