i'm lost and i look like a hooker
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
