I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
