yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
