no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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