Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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