I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
