i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
