I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
