Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well I just put wine in my tea
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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