How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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