sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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