Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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