I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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