hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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