dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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