Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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