i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
