dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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