I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
wanna go halves on a baby?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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