Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
