Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
