I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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