but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
