If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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