We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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