How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
