he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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