Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
