also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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