when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
