He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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