road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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