i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
