Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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