oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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