I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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