you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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