Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
