tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
