So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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